Grief Matters

If there is an area of therapy, I am most passionate about, it would be grief and loss. My passion most likely stems from the various grief journeys I’ve been a part of. I am an eyewitness to the reinvention, which often takes place. 

One of my first journeys occurred with the loss of a marriage. I didn’t think that I’d recover. It took a while, but emerging from the depression reassured me that I had to make the choice. I could wallow in sorrow or find a way to use the event to propel me to something greater. I’ve had several other losses due to death and they confirmed my belief that we can make the choice to push through (however long it may take) or become stuck in the process. The journey can be long and difficult, as we wrestle with various emotions.   Grieving is work!

Grieving is probably one of the most intense and disruptive events we can experience. It affects us emotionally, mentally, physically, socially, and spiritually. It’s unpredictable and we can’t predict how long it will take to navigate the journey.  Grief is not a disorder, it’s a natural reaction to the loss of someone we love. 

Grief Coaching: I’ll assist you with navigating the terrain of grief. It can be as simple as confirming that you haven’t lost your mind or giving a heads-up on what you can expect. I’ll coach you as you go through the process. As you integrate your loss into your life, you’ll emerge stronger and more compassionate. You will also discover just how resilient you are.

Grief Therapy: For some, the grief can be quite severe, and last much longer. Violent outbursts, substance misuse, consistent feelings of guilt and rumination and suicide ideation may signal something more serious, like Prolonged Grief Disorder. There are specific interventions, designed to help move the griever through their grief.

What In The World Is Going On?

Within the past 2 weeks our world has changed dramatically! Who would have ever imagined that our way of life would be altered so drastically and quickly? Wasn’t it just a few days ago, we listened as journalists told about this new virus, which was wreaking havoc in China and other faraway lands? You may have felt concern and sympathy, but now it’s not so far away. It’s here! In fact, you may know of someone who is sick, or has succumbed to the disease. Many of us are experiencing a range of emotions. Fear and anxiety about the disease can be overwhelming and cause strong emotions in children and adults. Persistent and excessive worrying, restlessness, feeling keyed up, or being on edge, a sense of dread, easily fatigued, difficulty concentrating, irritability, muscle tension and sleep disturbance are some of the symptoms of anxiety. It seems only natural to feel some type of anxiety during these uncertain times. It may be difficult not to worry considering, the amount of news content and discussion devoted to COVID19. If you are feeling stressed and anxious here are 6 things you can do to manage your feelings.

1. Take a break from watching, reading, or listening to news stories, including social media. Of course, it’s important to be aware of what’s going on; however, hearing about the pandemic repeatedly can be upsetting. Maybe you can allow yourself twice a day to watch, once in the AM and once in the PM.

2. Connect with others. Talk about how you’re feeling with someone you trust.

3. Practice some form of relaxation. Deep-breathing exercises have been found to be effective in lowering anxiety. There are many deep breathing apps available, which can be downloaded to your device.

4. Prayer and meditation. Perhaps you have a list of your favorite scriptures, which have provided comfort in other stressful times. Reading and then meditating upon them can be a great stress reducer.

5. Self-Talk is important! It’s important to replace negative self-talk with positive self-talk. “God is in control of every matter, which concerns me”. This is one thought, which I use often when feeling a bit anxious.

6. Go for a walk. Walking has it’s physical and mental health benefits. We all need Vitamin D. This vitamin is created from natural sunlight. Walking allows us the chance to process our thoughts and feelings Taking care of yourself can help you cope with the stress and anxiety of these uncertain times.

Let’s Talk Goals

If you’re like me then you’re thinking, “Wow, we’re already in the month of February. This year is flying by.” I recently celebrated my birthday in January. During my birth month, I create my goals for the year. I think it’s a great time to reflect upon the accomplishments of the preceding year and think about what I want to accomplish during the current year. Not all the goals from 2019 were reached, so this is the time I decide whether any unmet goals will be carried over. Thought is also given as to why the goal wasn’t reached. Was the goal too big to be accomplished within a year? What were the hindrances? Was it because of laziness, or over-extending myself? I know that I didn’t accomplish a particular unmet goal because I never really set out to do it. I had a plan, but didn’t do, not even one of the steps! This is despite knowing and believing it is a God-given goal. For me, attempting a goal means I can’t stop until it is reached. If I never attempt it, then I can’t fail, right? Not necessarily, you do realize Failure is in the eye of the beholder. Not completing a goal after starting it, is not failure! Some of you may recall one of Aesop’s fables titled “The Tortoise and the Hare” It’s the story of how the tortoise and the hare are in a race. They are unequally matched. The hare is quite confident he’ll be the winner of the race. So, he decides to take a nap after getting so far ahead of the tortoise. The tortoise prevails and wins the race because he doesn’t give up. Slow and steady wins the race. So how does this relate to pursuing your goals, you ask? Setting a realistic goal and making steps towards it, is better than not having set a goal at all. 

Yes, this unmet goal will be included on this year’s goal form. I’ve already started making moves towards achieving it. For me, if it is not accomplished by the year’s end, I will still look at it as an accomplishment because it will be a goal in progress. 

Finally, I know from experience, that written goals with a plan stand a much better chance of being accomplished, than those which remain in our head. One of the differences between a goal and a resolution—goals have a plan attached. Although the year is going by at lightening speed, it’s never too late to create a goal(s) for yourself, for your family. Why not start today? Here’s a starter—where would you like to see yourself one- year from today? (Health and Career Wise, Physically, Relationally, and/or Spiritually. etc.) Create a plan for getting there, identify an accountability partner and see what happens.

PS: I’d be happy to share my goal plan form with you. You can email me at raphahouseccc@gmail .com.

Let’s Talk About… The Holidays and Depression

It seems that only a few months ago, we were welcoming a New Year. Now we are in the winter holiday season. People definitely seem more friendly, at least most do. There are some who find it hard getting into the “Christmas Spirit” One reason may be depression. We use the word depression to describe when we just aren’t feeling our “normal” selves or experiencing sadness; however, depression is a mental health disorder, with a myriad of symptoms. These symptoms can be physical, as well as emotional and behavioral. The list of symptoms can include feeling sad, lethargic, not experiencing joy/pleasure in activities once enjoyed, sleep challenges (sleeping too much or sleeping too little) weight challenges (eating too much or eating too little), irritability/anger, an inability to concentrate to experiencing forgetfulness, just to name a few.

Depression is a mood disorder. A depression diagnosis can be given if the person is experiencing most of the described symptoms and has been for 2 weeks or more, most of the day, every day. The causes of depression are not fully understood. It may be biological, environmental or genetic, or a combination. Some people find that they experience depression during the late fall into the winter season. There are no definitive answers for this; however, some research indicates the loss of daylight is a major contributor. This is referred to as seasonal affective disorder.

Depression is the leading cause for suicide. In several communities the suicide rate has climbed astronomically! Did you know that within the African American community it is the 3rd, 4th and 5th leading cause of death in several age groups. The topic of suicide is often avoided because it still carries a stigma; however, we can no longer ignore it, or act as though it doesn’t exist. Recently, one of my younger clients showed for an emergency session. She’d lost a 6th grade classmate to suicide! My heart ached for my client, but especially as I thought about the pain the parents and family must feel. Please understand a diagnosis of depression doesn’t mean that you will attempt suicide. However, one can’t ignore the connection between the two.

Next month, we’ll continue the conversation.

Let’s Talk About is a monthly feature. If you should have additional questions or you would like to suggest a topic, please reach out to me.